It is important to share the struggles and darkness, as well as the ways we keep the light burning. I deeply appreciate Eileen’s honesty and willingness to share with us.

by Eileen, Oregon

It’s 12:55 AM on Saturday morning. Can’t bring myself to get up and go to bed. After meeting with close to twenty clients via videocalls this week, I’m tired. Videocalls are way more tiring than seeing people in person. It’s an energy thing.

Felt depressed earlier this evening so binged a couple of episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. There is lots I need to get done but not much desire to do it. Hopefully tomorrow. 

The news, of course, continues to be disturbing and it looks like we’ll all be staying home for months to come. My personal addiction is Lindt’s Excellence 70% dark chocolate bars. My order arrived on the doorstep today while I was on a videocall and Brian carefully disinfected the packaging and put the bars away for me. Funny that I can get gourmet chocolate bars in two days but damned if we can order toilet paper.

I’d really like to do some reading. When I was younger, I read all the time. I’ve had library books out for weeks and their due dates were automatically extended by the library until the end of April, because there’s no one there to put them away, or to take them out to read. I wonder if the due dates will be extended until the end of May. I’ll commit to starting one of them this weekend.

I field questions from clients about what activities are OK to do in this time of the Coronavirus. Walking dogs is very popular. Our dogs play in our fenced yard. I’ve become a hermit and it’s raining and cold and we need to go for walks more often.

I’m rambling and now it’s 1:27 AM. I’m exhausted and it would be best to go to bed. Hopefully I’ll have more energy to get things done tomorrow. 


  1. Your missive:
    Straight talk,
    Life unadorned,
    Waiting on waiting,
    Surely those waiting
    for Godot would get it,
    As must we all
    . . .each of awaiting, still,
    A rebirth of wonder.


  2. It is a testament to your strength that you continue to see clients while you feel so depleted. I have always wondered if therapists have their own therapists? It seems like it would be necessary even in the best of times. I hope you can find a path out of your darkness. (And I share your love of Lindt, it’s a miracle drug for me. 😊)


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