We have received one body blow after another since November 5, the strength and the frequency increasing exponentially since January 20, and continuing — I almost said culminating, but more comes every day — with the passage of the cruelest and most destructive bill ever passed by Congress and signed by a president of these United States. 

My silence here is a reflection of my daily struggle with despair. I have been nearly knocked off my feet by what is happening in this country. There are days when I can barely function. I’ve spent as much time on the couch as upright. I know being flattened by grief does no one any good. “Don’t pay so much attention,” some friends counsel me. “It’s not like you can do anything about it, and it’s making you ill.”

I got a Substack post the other day from Mike Brock’s Notes from the Circus that reminded me why it is so important to stay engaged. The title, The Reactionary Coup of America Continues Apace, caught my attention, but the subheader is what focused it: Why Americans can’t feel the democracy dying around them.

One of the reasons I have been on the couch is that I was born into the residue of the banality that murdered much of my family. I know in my bones what Arendt described. I can’t help but see the horror beneath the ordinariness.

I share and understand the overwhelming need to live as normally as possible. Struggling as I have for a lifetime with the Holocaust history that I carry in my body, I also know that attention must be paid. Heaven knows I welcome even the brief relief that an hour tracking down a murderer in a British mystery can bring. But, even then, it is impossible to put the cruelty and the corruption and the lawlessness completely out of my mind. No, that’s not the right word because it’s not just my conscious mind that is involved. There’s a deep disturbance in our national psyche that we are all experiencing on many levels. So, I take breaks when I can to give myself the strength not to give in to the evil without a fight.

I know I am only one voice, one that I self-silenced over the past weeks. But I also remind myself of the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.: “There comes a time when silence is betrayal.”  So I have pulled myself off the couch and gotten back in touch with you. And I will be there on July 17 to join millions of Americans on the streets to make some Good Trouble as we “deploy the tools of democratic resistance” before it is too late.


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2 Comments

  1. Hi Ruth, I hear what you are saying. I, too, see what is happening. I will be there on July 17th to protest. I feel sad and helpless.

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