I got my mother flowers for her birthday. Actually, since today is her 111th birthday and she’s been dead for 36 years, I got myself the flowers. For the first six or so years after my marriage ended, I did that every few weeks, buying them often enough to keep pink carnations or variegated Astromeria blooming in my home. Then Trump came in again, trailing tariffs and war and corruption in his wake, and, as we all know all too well, everything got a lot more expensive. The flowers became an indulgence I could live without.

Five months ago, I returned to my family Holocaust memoir, Get Us Out of Here: The Evolution of Desperation, Berlin 1939 – 1942, work on which had been another casualty of Trump’s reelection. It took that long before I could bring myself to reenter that world, slowly easing myself in, then out again when it became too challenging, working in fits and starts, and being as kind to myself as I can manage about how long it’s taking. It’s getting close, I know that, but the last pieces—focusing on my parents and the impact of what happened on them, and me—offer a different set of challenges than working with my maternal grandparents’ letters from inside Nazi Germany.

I always wondered how people lived as they watched fascism unfold and enclose them. I never anticipated that I would get to find out for myself what it is like to live in a country where it is happening. We can no longer deny that we have a fascist government. But this is still not a fascist country. As long as we continue — voters, courts, protestors, independent media — to fight for our democracy, they have not won. It’s a bitch, and it’s exhausting, and it ain’t over.

So here we are. The waking nightmare images of my childhood are personified by Stephen Miller, a Jew whose forebears fled pogroms. I can’t save anyone from that cruelty, any more than my mother could save her parents from the consequences of being Jews in Nazi Germany. But I can keep fighting as best I can, and I can tell their story. Sometimes, that is all we can do for those who came before us. And buy them flowers for their birthday.

Photo by Ruth Neuwald Falcon

Discover more from Ruth Neuwald Falcon

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

6 Comments

  1. Hi Ruth, nicely said…sorry for all the losses.

    While my grandfather came from Russia with his family as a child, I am grateful that my parents and grandparents escaped that awful experience your family had…who knew? You seem so balanced, centered, and full of universal love…

    Yes, I’ve always “fought” oppression in many forms, since high school, marched 20 miles in college in Buffalo for Hunger, etc..been on many demonstrations, never wanted to be arrested…but spoke in important places.. including out here in Los Angeles, where I was an elected Teacher/Union representative, my picture was in the newspaper, along with Letters to the Editor, I made waves that rippled..

    Now teaching privately and through agencies when I can (had to give up my car to get a healthy kitchen in my fixer-upper house), I was born to teach…I rent out two bedrooms to help with expenses, currently seeking a second renter…financially challenged, but love having my own house..street ends in a cul de sac..quiet, peaceful, beautiful sunsets from the back upstairs bedrooms…

    There are different ways of fighting….yes, I’ve addressed the LAUSD Board of Education, televised, more than once.. But I want to get remarried, so am spreading my focus…

    I do make sure I have flowers in the house,Trader Joe’s has reasonably priced ones… After emotionally abusive parents, the flowers remind me of my own beauty, and how I’m connected to the beauty of the world. I strongly recommend that to you, Ruth, and everyone..

    An early Happy New Year to you, and everyone.. Thank you, and many blessings to you..

    Love to you–

    Sharon Levine
    Canoga Park, Los Angeles

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Beautifully written. Little could you have imagined that you would be called upon to help fight the battle against fascism anew, here in the Land of Hope and Dreams, and pay homage to your ancestors as you do. I believe to my core that we will prevail.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Ruth,

    I read your posts but don’t always comment on them, but this one really struck a nerve with me.

    I can’t imagine what it must be like to immerse yourself in your family’s history and then look around at what is happening! I am really glad you bought those flowers!

    I really like that you made a distinction between our fascist government but that we are NOT a fascist country & what we do to fight this regime matters.

    please take care & I do hope you re able to continue to buy yourself flowers.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. Moving piece. Thank you! What you said is true for all traumas the holocaust being the worst of all. Buying flowers is bringing beauty, nature, love back home. May there always be flowers in your home and heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. Hi Ruth, Getting flowers for your Mother’s birthday is a lovely, thoughtful way to remember her.

    We are seeing a very real threat of fascism. I wondered also how this could have possibly happened in Germany. I, too, am getting a good look at how fast things can unfold.

    Keep buying those flowers, Ruth. We will keep voting and fighting.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment