A number of years ago, when I started work on my family Holocaust memoir,  I couldn’t have imagined that a Hitler-admiring fascist would be elected — twice — to the presidency of the United States, the second time when his dictatorial leanings were even more pronounced. I didn’t think there would be a war on women and that women would be bleeding out in parking lots because doctors are afraid of going to jail if they treat them. I always knew that antisemitism was a thread, but it didn’t feel like an active threat.

I don’t know how I’m going to face what is coming. The triumph of cruelty and vindictiveness. The victory of wealth and ignorance. Perhaps the supporters who didn’t believe all the things that he said were correct in their assessment. “It’s just hyperbole,” they’d say. “He does it for effect. He’s not going to do all those things.” Well, now we’ll get to find out.  

I am trying not let my imagination travel to the environmental depredations that this regime will bring. I’m trying not to think about the immigrants whose lives will be torn apart. I’m trying not to dwell on the implications of a Republican Senate and the future of our justice system. And, and, and…

My inbox is filled with messages about keeping up the fight. Yes. I am grateful for all those communications and the bravery and commitment they reflect. I will join them when I can. But so far, all I’m able to do is weep with my friends and walk around my apartment saying, “Oh my god, oh my god,” over and over again. And now sit here at the keyboard, rocking back and forth in grief.

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6 Comments

  2. I’m with you, Ruth. My shock is wearing off and I’m feeling more. The floodgates have opened and I am depressed. Kindness and compassion will be my way forward. No fight in me right now.

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  3. Last night an atomic bomb was dropped on the future of our Democracy and quite possibly the rest of the world as well. It took me all day to compose myself just to venture out to the market. Everyone I saw behaved as if nothing had happened, especially young people. In my youth I marched for Civil Rights and against the Vietnam War getting clubbed and tear-gassed for my actions. Are young people today so deeply committed to pleasure seeking that they are disengaged from the world around them? That possibility chills me to the bone. Ignorance and apathy on the part of all generations of Americans has shut the door on the greatest future we could ever hope for.

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  4. Thank you, dear Ruth for stating the deep fears based on the real things we heard and will continue to hear form Trump and his allies. The messages for strength, clarity, and honesty help but I can’t go there yet.

    I feel numb and disconnected, knowing my style is one of delayed grief. It will come and I accept that time will reveal what I can personally do to continue to have hope and find ways to go forward.

    Rebecca

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  5. I have been crying all day. My grief is palpable. What have we done? Look what we are telling the next generations. Freedom does not matter, go ahead I’m just a woman – walk all over me. Take my choices away from me. You can do whatever you want and have it all and screw everyone.

    This country was founded on a dream of freedom and justice for all. That dream is now becoming a nightmare. How did this happen?

    I held my breath for 4 years the last time he was elected. I do not think I can do that again. I am so sad and frightened. What is next? God help us all.

    So today I am beyond consciousness and comfort. Today I am frightened and sad. I am in disbelief.

    Tomorrow I will pick my head up and look at what has happened and decide which direction I need to take. He cannot deny me hope.

    Thank you Ruth for your open heart, honesty and wisdom. Thank you my friend. I am with you.
    Marcie

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